Archive for the ‘Mindfulness’ Category
By Alex Mirsakova , AMFT
We live in a fast-paced, high- stress society, one that highlights constant productivity and achievement. The concept of slowing down and taking a break seems out of the question for many of us. Yet, the importance of taking care of our own mental well-being, and the importance of slowing down when it feels as though we must go faster – cannot be ignored. It seems counterproductive to be told to “slow down” when we feel as though we must constantly rush. But perhaps the next time we feel that familiar overwhelming sense of urgency, we can accept it as an opportunity to pause.
Developed by Kristin Neff and Chris Germer, the practice of the self-compassion break is designed for you to directly experience the three elements of self-compassion:
1) Mindfulness
2) Common Humanity
3) Kindness.
It can be used as often as you need, through a moment of pain, difficulty, frustration, or intense pressure.
I invite you to take the self-compassion break:
Take a few deep breaths and settle into your body. Take four seconds to breathe in. Take four seconds to breathe out. Focus on your breath. Focus on the sensations in your body.
Now, bring to mind a situation in your life that is creating stress or paining you. When first learning this practice, choose a problem that’s in the mild to moderate range so that you may gradually develop this quality of self-compassion.
What changes are you observing in your body? What discomforts are you noticing? What sensations are coming up for you?
When challenges are present, it is important to take time to stay calm and mindful. Speak to yourself gently and acknowledge that you are experiencing discomfort in this moment.
Mindfulness Statements:
I am not okay
I am under a lot of stress
This is frustrating
Common Humanity
As you embrace the challenges in your life, you can begin reflecting on the challenging experiences in life that all humans live through. Inviting yourself to connect with humanity and accepting that pain is a part of life will help you understand that you are not alone in your time of despair.
“I feel, through my struggle, what others feel. In this way, I am sensing this feeling as not just my own, but as a deep connection to many other people.”
Experiment with offering yourself a simple gesture of soothing touch. One option is placing your hand over your heart. Experiment with finding what feels soothing and right for you. Feel the warmth and gentle touch of your hands. You may tap lightly on your body as you ground yourself.
Words of Affirmation and Positive Statements of Kindness
Perhaps there are particular words of kindness and support that you need to hear in this difficult situation. What simple message might be a caring response? If you are having difficulty summoning the words, consider what you would offer a dear friend or a loved one who is experiencing a painful moment. What would you say to this loved one? Now, see if you can offer the same message to yourself.
I can be kind to myself
I accept where I am in my life
I forgive myself for past mistakes
I am growing to trust myself more everyday
Alex is a pre-licensed clinician who works with couples, individuals, and children/ teens ( ages 10 and up). She is bilingual and speaks Russian and English. She works via telehealth as well as in person at our Glendale, Pasadena , and Sherman Oaks offices with flexible evenings and weekends scheduling. Book with her today .
By: Destiny Johnson
Have you ever spoken to someone, and kept getting interrupted? Trying to get a word in at times can be quite challenging in conversations when mindful talking isn’t used. This happens from time to time when speaking with acquaintances, family, and friends. It can also take place in the workplace with colleagues and clients.
Many of us have heard of active listening but what about the art of mindful talking when engaging in dialogues with people. What is mindful talking or speaking? It is one’s ability to speak to others with awareness, active listening, and focus. Mindful talking is knowing what, when, and how to use tone to engage with someone. Mindful communication involves listening, tone, nonverbal cues, paying attention, and connecting to others.
Speaking mindfully is a great skill to incorporate into any conversation. Mindful speaking encourages emotional intelligence. Imagine speaking and not being allowed the space and respect to respond. Or not having the opportunity to share your thoughts and opinions. It would be like you were trapped in a one-sided conversation. Do you think you would feel heard? Do you think the other person who is not receiving mindful talking would feel heard?
If there is no space to share and respond it cannot be a dialogue. If this type of communication continues it can become incredibly annoying and frustrating. Ultimately, the lack of care, consideration, kindness, empathy, and attention to the other person when having dialogue will eventually drain the relationship and decrease communication.
Here are some tips to increase Mindful Talking in conversations:
Consider Time
Realize how much time and space you take up while speaking. If you have an hour to dialogue with someone, how much of that time is spent with you talking versus them. How you listened to what is being share verbally and non-verbally? Ask yourself does this need to be said, have I listened enough before responding
Use Silence and Pauses
Make sure you take pauses; it will allow the listener to process what’s being shared. Not everyone processes the same way. For example, introverts tend to process inward using thought while many extraverts process outwardly using speech. Both are valid but pause to allow for communication to flow. The use of silence can also allow you to be intentional with words and consider how much talking has taken place versus how much listening
Probe and Seek Clarity
Ask questions to better understand before speaking. Ask questions to gain perspective from others. Many times during conversations messages can get lost, contributing to lack of understanding and miscommunication. Seek to understand instead of talking. When you listen intently it will help you know what to say
Here and Now
Be present and in tune to the moment happening in front of you. Many people get lost in thoughts of yesterday (the past) or tomorrow (the future) that we forget about the present moment. This can occur when talking. Try to focus on what is tangible in the conversation and connect with the persons words and feelings. Use breathing to bring you back to the conversation if your mind begins to wonder while talking to someone. Focus on your breath and what they are saying.
Awareness
Check in with yourself and your surroundings. Identify how the person you’re talking to is doing. You can pick up on cues that indicate if the listener is checking out and vice versa if you have lost your focus. Checking in with yourself, can be done by quietly recognizing what is happening internally or around you. Are you following the conversation? Is the person distracted? Have they disconnected? Are you not responding to questions because you have zoned out?
To build awareness and focus you can use open posture. Posture your body toward the listener with arms uncrossed, lean in physically to the conversation, and provide eye contact. This will help you stay alert and welcome dialogue. It is important to limit distractions and refocus your thoughts to the speaker. Use verbal encouragers like yes, uh huh and ask questions to understand and connect.
Showing curiosity can strengthen dialogue and unfold an engaging conversation. Begin practicing intentional and mindful speech because it is important to feel heard. Try out some of these tips and see if your conversations and connections can be deepened.
Destiny Johnson is a career counselor and certified anger management counselor with Avedian Counseling Center.
