By: Silva Depanian, LMFT
The experience of physical pain is a simple truth of the human condition. Whether you have suffered the sting of a papercut, the break of a bone, or a more long-lasting injury or medical condition, pain is familiar to you. But what is pain?
There are two main types of pain: neuropathic and nociceptive. Neuropathic pain comes from damage to tissue, nerves, or parts of the nervous system. In addition to causing a shooting, stabbing, sometimes electric shock-like pain, this type of damage can also affect touch sensitivity and result in an individual having difficulty experiencing hot or cold sensations. Alternatively, nociceptive pain results from bodily injury, inflammation, or physical pressure. This damage is typically felt in an individual’s skin, joints, bones, muscles, and tendons, causing a more aching, throbbing, sharp sensation.
No matter the source of pain, its duration dictates whether the pain is considered acute or chronic. Pain is typically considered to be acute if it lasts less than three months. This type of pain is just a symptom of an identified cause, and is usually the body’s response to an injury. Acute pain diminishes with healing and appropriate treatment. However, if the pain lasts for more than three months, it is considered to be chronic. This type of pain is a condition instead of simply a symptom, often with no known cause. As it is a condition and not a symptom, chronic pain typically persists beyond expected healing time and despite any treatment an individual might receive, often resulting in further negative effects to the individual’s physical, mental, and social health.
While acute pain can usually be treated by a visit to the doctor, those who experience chronic pain may need a more multidisciplinary approach, including possible support from their doctor, a physical therapist, and a mental health professional to assist them with their pain management and maintenance of a good quality of life. Everyone’s experience of pain is different and, as such, treatment will vary based on each individual’s unique needs. Remember that pain, whether acute or chronic, doesn’t just affect the body – it can also affect emotions. The next time you’re in pain and someone asks you how you’re feeling, consider the wellbeing of both your body and your mind.
Silva Depanian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC #121864) and a Certified Anger Management Counselor providing telehealth services to individuals experiencing difficulty with chronic pain management, anger management, anxiety, and codependent relationships.
By: Destiny Johnson
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. During this month reflecting on our mental health and working on our personal growth and happiness is important. Finding one’s happiness can feel like a difficult journey that requires a lot of hard work. I would like to reframe that thinking, and reflection is less about the level of difficulty and more about the intentionality, conscious effort and reaping the reward of having self-reflection. The willingness to make positive changes in your life acts but this action does not have to be dreadful. With manageable steps happiness can be acquired. Here are some small steps that create large impact related to your happiness:
1. Self – Awareness: By creating space to reflect on who you are, self-awareness will grow. Take out time to reflect on your values, interests, beliefs, life goals, and priorities. These elements will give you a greater understanding of yourself to cultivate joy and fulfillment in your life. It will also assist in positive mindset, decision making, and identify potential roadblocks that do not align with you and decrease happiness.
2. Appreciation and Gratitude: Make saying thank you and showing appreciation and gratitude a daily practice. If you begin focusing on the positive aspects of your life it will brighten your outlook. This practice can be as simple as writing down things you enjoy, or verbally recognize when positive things happen. Being ready to show appreciation or return kindness will shift your mindset and help you recognize the good in your life.
3. Manage Stress with Physical Health: Your physical well-being is significant to your mood and overall happiness. Prioritize activities that promote good physical health, such as engaging in regular exercise, consuming well balanced meals, drinking water, having a daily skin or hygiene routine, practice mindfulness or meditation, acquire a sufficient amount of sleep, and use relaxation techniques like deep breathing exercises, listening to music, or walking.
4. Meaningful Relationships: Surround yourself with positive people who support and uplift you. Nourish relationships where people invest time and effort in building and maintaining healthy and lasting relationships. These relationships can be with family, friends, co-workers, mentors, and loved ones. If you desire a meaningful connection start with curiosity and kindness. Try engaging in meaningful conversations and practice active listening. This will increase your understanding and empathy towards others.
5. Self – Care: Implement a weekly self-care plan without guilt or feeling selfish in which you prioritize your needs. During this set time you only care for yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy and tranquility. This includes alone time, reading books, engaging in hobbies, spending time in nature, practicing mindfulness, or any other creative outlet that nurtures peace.
Seek out a professional or therapist if you are finding it challenging to discover your happiness. Don’t hesitate, everyone can benefit from creating balance and fulfillment. Avedian Counseling Center has therapists and counselors that can provide guidance, support, and tools to help you navigate your journey towards happiness.
Remember, happiness is a worthy pursuit that persists throughout our lifespan and it’s normal to have highs and lows. Be patient with yourself, embrace positivity, trust the process, and celebrate your achievements along the way.
The Gift of Authenticity – Destiny
Many people have heard, ” Stay true to yourself ” or ” Just be yourself “. Both are meaningful statements, truly. However, these simple sayings are not easy to act upon. Inherently, we know we can only be ourselves, right, but the world we live in, the media we listen and watch, and even people we know ask us to shape shift and morph into whatever is the most convenient and easier for them to tolerate. Fitting in can be seen as more appealing, like a good choice, or the more acceptable choice especially when you are made to feel less than. These conflicting dichotomies have had all of us at one time or another second guessing our place in the world resulting in feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth. However, what if the statement of staying true to yourself could be realized, not to block out the messages that other people spew but for us to connect with ourselves, find peace, and the gift that authenticity can bring.
Authenticity is a gift for us all, if we can find a way to know ourselves, we can unlock higher self-esteem and fulfilment. To be fully seen to ourselves can be an amazing adventure and can reduce the pressure of thinking about what our life is supposed to look like and free all of us from the pressure of striving. Being authentic is sitting with yourself long enough to drown out the noise of compromise, self-doubt, and comparisons. To embrace self-love, self-compassion, discovery of self, and accepting your individuality.
– Try self-love by prioritizing your needs. Discover your needs by taking out a piece of paper and clear your mind from others’ expectations and allow yourself to think deeply only about your needs. What are your non-negotiables? Think about the ways you shrink and instead honor your strengths and skills.
– Try self-compassion, by forgiving yourself of past wrongs or mistakes. Embrace and accept your development and journey toward growth not perfection. Let go of the critical thoughts or negative speech you have learned. Instead, value your difference and speak positive affirmations. For example, I am valuable, I forgive myself therefore it is easier to forgive others, Negative thoughts do not have power over me anymore, I let them go easily. I have everything I need to live a beautiful life.
– Try looking within to discover who you are. Ways to explore is by learning your interest, personality, values, and skills. These will teach you about what you like and do not like, what you prefer or not, what’s important to you and what you’re good at. You can answer questions like what is an activity that you lose track of time doing because it’s so enjoyable? Or are you a person that loves being around others or alone reading books? Once you write these down, honor your skills and the things that make you unique and vibrant.
– Try accepting your individuality, instead of comparing yourself to others and pleasing others. Take a second to focus on your one-of-a-kind attributes. Become comfortable with seeing all of you and loving each part.
The gift of authenticity is vulnerability, the power of knowing yourself, and standing in your truth. I invite you to embrace who you are and work daily to be authentic to that without apology.
by Emma Ekum, LMFT
Poor sleep is connected to several health risks, as mentioned in our previous blog post, Get Better Sleep. Here are some habits you can practice to help yourself get proper sleep and optimize your physical and mental health.
- Keep the bed for sleep and sex. If you find yourself lounging on your bed while working on your laptop, phone calls to your friends, or reading a good book, you may be training your brain to associate your bed with work or fun over rest and relaxation. This will make it harder for your body to fall and stay asleep.
- Make a bedtime routine. As it grows dark outside, prepare your body for sleep time by getting out of your work clothes, dimming lights, and engaging in slower, relaxing activities that you can associate with getting closer to bedtime (i.e. enjoying a cup of herbal tea, reading, cuddling with a loved one, softer music, etc.)
- Limit your exposure to screens and bluelight. Electronics have come a long way with “nightmodes” on our screens so that the bluelight does not impact our sleep, however it is important to reduce the amount of screen stimulation you get. A good rule of thumb is to have “one screen on at a time,” the closer you get to bed, meaning try to not scroll through social media while watching a television show. This will lower your brain’s stimulation and help it prepare to slow down for sleep. Another good rule to hold for yourself is to limit how much screen time you have in bed before you fall asleep. This helps with helping your body associate your bed with sleep as well.
- Exercise during the day. Exercising during the day will help exhaust the body (and quiet the mind) for night time. Be sure not to exercise within a few hours of bedtime, because it can boost your adrenaline and make it more difficult to fall asleep.
- Stay consistent. Our bodies need 7-9 hours of sleep each night to work optimally. Be sure to allocate enough sleep time for yourself when you are setting your bedtime and wake-up time. Additionally, try not to shift your sleep and wake times too drastically. Shifting more than 30 minutes on either end of your sleep period can confuse your body clock and create more sleep trouble.
- Watch your diet. Caffeine takes 10 hours to move through our bodies. Try not to have any caffeine after a certain time, to make sure your body can wind down for bedtime. If you find yourself waking up to use the restroom more than once a night, make sure you aren’t ingesting liquids later in the evening. Additionally, sugar, processed or heavy foods, and alcohol are harder for our bodies to process. This can impact the body’s ability to fully recharge and rest when you are sleeping, and may cause you to wake up throughout the night.
- Get yourself back asleep. There are several factors that can cause us to wake up throughout the night. If you find this happening to you, the easiest way to get back to sleep after 20 minutes of trying to fall back asleep is to take yourself out of bed. This preserves the body’s association of the bed with rest, and shifts the body’s temperature to a place where it will long for the temperature of the bed. If you engage in a boring activity with low light for about 20 minutes (reading, folding laundry, coloring, etc.), and then put yourself back to bed, you are more likely to get back asleep faster.
Changing even a few of these habits can enhance your quality of sleep, and improve your physical and mental health. For further assistance, the Avedian Counseling Center would be happy to help.
Authored by Emma Ekum, LMFT
Emma is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the Clinical Supervisor at Avedian Counseling Center and Anger Management 818 in Los Angeles, California. She is certified in CBT-I, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia. Her practice includes adolescents, individuals, couples and families. Emma uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Systemic approaches.
by Emma Ekum, LMFT
Have you ever allowed yourself “just one more episode” of a show you are watching, only to find yourself going to bed at that later time the next several nights? It’s easy to slip into bad sleeping habits. Here is some motivation to think twice before getting yourself off track.
Proper sleep helps keep our bodies healthy and optimal. Poor quality of sleep, or not enough sleep, can impact us on many levels. Our physical health can suffer because we have not had enough rest to clear out toxins in our system or replenish our cells. This can look like:
- Poor concentration
- Memory issues
- Exhaustion
- Inflammation
- Slower metabolism
- Lower immune system
- Cardiac issues
- Early aging, etc.
Our mental health can suffer from lack of rest as well, heightening symptoms of:
- Irritability
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Poor decision-making
- and can even induce mania or psychotic episodes
What constitutes “proper sleep?”
- 7-9 hours of rest, cycling from light sleep to deep sleep. Dreaming may or may not be remembered
- A dark, quiet room with as few potential sleep interrupters as possible (ie: television, noisy roommates or pets, etc.)
- A consistent sleep schedule, with bedtimes and wake ups shifting no more than 30 minutes without making up for it on the other end (ex: going to bed earlier if you are waking up earlier).
- Being asleep in bed at least 75% of the time you are in the bed (high sleep efficiency).
- Waking up feeling rested
To attain proper sleep, check out the tips in the following article linked here.
Authored by Emma Ekum, LMFT
Emma is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the Clinical Supervisor at Avedian Counseling Center and Anger Management 818 in Los Angeles, California. She is certified in CBT-I, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia. Her practice includes adolescents, individuals, couples and families. Emma uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Systemic approaches.
How Does Your Message Land?
Are you aware of how your communication lands when speaking with someone? As we strengthen our emotional intelligence, we gain insight into how we impact those around us. It’s not uncommon to speak with good intentions and realize that the receiving party has become uncomfortable, so much so that they are defensive.
Reflecting on how a conversation might have escalated when you felt misunderstood is a great way to break your unhelpful communication pattern. When we take the time to explore contributing factors that escalated into an argument, we can learn about ourselves and make the necessary changes. Is it what we said? Perhaps it’s our tone. Maybe it’s our delivery.
Considering the efforts we make to engage in productive sensitive conversations, having an undesired outcome can be puzzling. The following are 6 helpful strategies when having sensitive conversations:
- Avoid using absolute words such as “always” and “never.” We don’t want to attack and put the receiver in a defensive mode.
- Use “I-statements” and point out the specific behavior that bothers you, such as, “I feel nervous when you don’t come home on time.” If you label or generalize instead of stating a specific behavior, it will not land properly. Which would we prefer to hear: “When you’re lazy,” or, “When you don’t call me”?
- State what you want. For example, “I would like for you to call me if you’re running late.”
- Avoid addressing other issues. Focus on one situation at a time. It’s easy to open the flood gates and try to deal with so many of the issues rather than the one at hand. This will only dilute the importance of what we’re addressing, and the result will be that we won’t be heard.
- Share why the request is important to you. This step makes it easier for the listener to understand our preference and the reasons for it.
- Be sure you come from a caring stance and not an accusatory place. The above mentioned strategies will only work if we are coming from the perspective of, “You are important to me, and I’d like to make this work.”
If you’re unsure how your message lands, check in with the receiving party with, “What did you hear me say?” or “I’m curious how that sounded to you.” They may even share with us which word or phrase we used that triggered them.
The communication chapter can be found within the Anger Management Essentials workbook, 2nd edition. https://amzn.to/3kXHyZy
Anita Avedian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (License # LMFT 38403) and has been practicing psychotherapy since 1996. Anita is the Executive Director of both Avedian Counseling Center and Anger Management 818, a boutique group practice servicing the Greater Los Angeles area. Her specialties include working with relationships, anger, social anxiety, general anxiety, and addictions. She also has been certified in Thought Field Therapy(TFT) and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), both of which she integrates into her practice. Anita offers a monthly anger management certification program to counselors. Anger Management Essentials is an approved National Anger Management Association (NAMA) model that is used for anger management certification.
By Alex Mirsakova , AMFT
We live in a fast-paced, high- stress society, one that highlights constant productivity and achievement. The concept of slowing down and taking a break seems out of the question for many of us. Yet, the importance of taking care of our own mental well-being, and the importance of slowing down when it feels as though we must go faster – cannot be ignored. It seems counterproductive to be told to “slow down” when we feel as though we must constantly rush. But perhaps the next time we feel that familiar overwhelming sense of urgency, we can accept it as an opportunity to pause.
Developed by Kristin Neff and Chris Germer, the practice of the self-compassion break is designed for you to directly experience the three elements of self-compassion:
1) Mindfulness
2) Common Humanity
3) Kindness.
It can be used as often as you need, through a moment of pain, difficulty, frustration, or intense pressure.
I invite you to take the self-compassion break:
Take a few deep breaths and settle into your body. Take four seconds to breathe in. Take four seconds to breathe out. Focus on your breath. Focus on the sensations in your body.
Now, bring to mind a situation in your life that is creating stress or paining you. When first learning this practice, choose a problem that’s in the mild to moderate range so that you may gradually develop this quality of self-compassion.
What changes are you observing in your body? What discomforts are you noticing? What sensations are coming up for you?
When challenges are present, it is important to take time to stay calm and mindful. Speak to yourself gently and acknowledge that you are experiencing discomfort in this moment.
Mindfulness Statements:
I am not okay
I am under a lot of stress
This is frustrating
Common Humanity
As you embrace the challenges in your life, you can begin reflecting on the challenging experiences in life that all humans live through. Inviting yourself to connect with humanity and accepting that pain is a part of life will help you understand that you are not alone in your time of despair.
“I feel, through my struggle, what others feel. In this way, I am sensing this feeling as not just my own, but as a deep connection to many other people.”
Experiment with offering yourself a simple gesture of soothing touch. One option is placing your hand over your heart. Experiment with finding what feels soothing and right for you. Feel the warmth and gentle touch of your hands. You may tap lightly on your body as you ground yourself.
Words of Affirmation and Positive Statements of Kindness
Perhaps there are particular words of kindness and support that you need to hear in this difficult situation. What simple message might be a caring response? If you are having difficulty summoning the words, consider what you would offer a dear friend or a loved one who is experiencing a painful moment. What would you say to this loved one? Now, see if you can offer the same message to yourself.
I can be kind to myself
I accept where I am in my life
I forgive myself for past mistakes
I am growing to trust myself more everyday
Alex is a pre-licensed clinician who works with couples, individuals, and children/ teens ( ages 10 and up). She is bilingual and speaks Russian and English. She works via telehealth as well as in person at our Glendale, Pasadena , and Sherman Oaks offices with flexible evenings and weekends scheduling. Book with her today .
By: Anita
What is gratitude? Gratitude is more than a word; it is a belief.
We often hear the word gratitude, but we often don’t understand the real meaning of it. Gratitude means to be thankful. Seems simple, but if that were the case why is gratitude not an integral part of our daily lives?
We as humans tend to often focus on the negative aspects of life although positive experiences are happening as well. However, there could be one negative aspect and four positive aspects, but we effortlessly cling onto the focus ruminating until we are engulfed by its negativity. When negativity is focused on and magnified it starts to consume our thoughts. We begin to catastrophize and become stuck in an emotional state that can feel helpless at times. Once this happens our thoughts influence our emotions, and our emotions influence our behaviors.
What can be done to break the cycle of latching on to negative aspects of life and finding gratitude to assist with positive and thankful views?
The practice of intentional gratitude is an amazing tool to reflect and can be instrumental in everyday life. Practicing gratitude allows us not to focus on the wonders
of positive thinking, places, things, and people. Gratitude can be wonderful and help us appreciate the simple yet beautiful elements of life including its ups and down.
Being and showing gratitude has the power to influence moods, change perspectives, and assist in better quality of life.
Tips for practicing gratitude daily:
· Define the meaning of gratefulness and how you would like to show gratefulness
· Identify, acknowledge, and contemplate what you are grateful for
· Appreciate what you are grateful for by just noticing things to be thankful for.
· It is beneficial to say what you are grateful for out loud or write it down in a journal.
Examples:
1. I am grateful for this day.
2. I am grateful for my morning walk.
3. I am grateful for my family and friends.
The best way to incorporate gratitude is to apply it in your daily life. It is important to practice it at least once a day. For example, in the morning when you are starting your day. It can be practiced when having a meal. You can also add it to your night routine before going to bed.
The key is to remember to practice until gratitude becomes part of your daily routine.
Nature can provide amazing artistic outlets and brighten up a space. From looking outside your window to integrating plants inside the house. However, what if you don’t have a green thumb or much of a creative bone in your body, if you do well. What is one to do when you still want the esthetic that nature creates in your dwelling? What if you could use elements in nature to create simple works that capture natural elements? Try this fun creative and crafting project that will give you nature, skill building, and a fun activity without much work.
Let’s use what we see in nature like a leaf and craft a small cup, bowl, or plate.
Supplies needed:
Flexible Leaf that is the size of the palm of your hand
Water
Rolling Pin or similar (can or bottle)
Paring Knife/ or similar (Small kitchen knife)
Plastic Wrap
A small cup, bowl, or plate (Depending on what you are making)
Tape (Optional)
Air Dry Clay
Acrylic Paint
Paint Brushes
Gathering supplies:
Take stock of what supplies needed can be found around your house or outside.
For example, if you take a walk around your home or a local park you will be able to find a leaf the size of your hand. Any leaf will do but try to pick a leaf that you like or has a unique color and shape. Let this be fun and be open to it resonating with you. The leaf should be flexible and soft to the touch. Collecting a hard or brittle leaf can lead to breakage which we want to avoid. Pro tip: Grab a few options of leaves just in case breakage does happen.
You can look in the kitchen and find a few more supplies. Once that is done run down to your local crafting store and retrieve some air-dry clay and any acrylic paint of your choice. You will use this paint after the clay is shaped and dried, therefore purchase a color you would like to see around your house. I recommend grabbing some natural colors and a metallic color like gold to provide an accent along the edges of the craft. Pro tip : Buy various size paint brushes to help you create the look you want especially if you are a beginner. Once you have all your materials from your home and the store, then begin crafting.
What are we making:
This is a crafter choice activity: You can opt to make a small cup, bowl, or plate.
Let’s get crafting – Steps to complete
Organize your workspace and all your materials for easy access. Fill up a small cup of water that will be used to smooth the clay.
First Step – Open your air-dry clay and rolling pin: Begin rolling out your clay using the pin until it looks like a thin sheet of clay. You are looking for the clay to be the thickness of about 1 centimeter .
Second Step – Grab your favorite leaf and place it on the clay with the ridges of the leaf face down into the clay. Softly, roll the pin over the leaf to leave a light leaf impression. (think of this like a stamp). You are only pressing to leave the imprint but not to flatten the clay.
Third Step – Take your small knife to outline the leaf, cutting as close to the edge of the leaf as possible. Once that is done gently remove the leaf from the clay. You can repeat the stamp process if you want more of a leaf pattern, if not that’s okay.
Fourth Step – Go ahead and grab your water and smooth out the edge of the clay where you’ve cut with the tips of your fingers.
Fifth Step -What have you decided to shape the clay into? Grab your crafting muse (bowl, cup, or plate) that will be used as a mold. Cover the bowl, cup, or plate with some plastic wrap first, making it as flat as possible trying to eliminate wrinkles. Tape the plastic wrap if need be. Place the clay with the leaf print down onto the plastic covered craft item and leave the clay to dry and harden.
Sixth Step – Once the clay is dry you can remove it off the item and begin to paint with the acrylic and metallic colors. Pro tip: Use a small brush to paint the veins of the leaf for more detail.
Crafting from nature can be simple and fun. This activity is great for beginners who want to express their creativity. This easy art project is also great for bringing people together. Begin your crafting journey today!!
Rethink Vacationing and Envision a Staycation
By: Destiny Johnson
Since the pandemic began opportunities for travel have decreased. There have been many rescheduled or postponed vacations with individuals hoping for the end of COVID – 19. Many travel bans, restricted booking, and vaccine mandates resulted in many canceled flights, cruises, and vacations. The devastating effects of COVID-19 and all its variations I’m sure has many individuals wondering when traveling and vacationing will be able to happen.
Now that the pandemic has lasted longer than anticipated, should we rethink vacationing while the world is still influx?
Vacationing for many is a significant part of their lifestyle; a way to destress and re-center, while experiencing culture. Many view vacationing as a much-needed escape to relax. During the pandemic the need to get away or have an outlet to experience something new and entertaining is critical to people’s mental wellbeing
However, the challenges for vacationing are still felt and for many the options for vacationing have dwindled. Taking a vacation shouldn’t be a luxury or unattainable goal but a right to joy. A right to find clarity, find stillness, and to explore. Vacationing is a life changing experience and can be recalibrated.
How can we re-think vacations and travel?
What if I provided an option for vacation that allowed you to not travel far but was full of new possibilities and experiences. You can do this by creating vacations and getaways that are only a few miles away. Local vacationing can ease some concerns related to COVID-19, reduce restrictions toward travel, provide an unexpected escape that is affordable and most of all fun. This concept is called taking a “Staycation”.
What is a staycation? A staycation is a local gateway or tourism site that is near your residence. Staycations are an alternative to a traditional vacation that is still fun-filled, free of expensive travel fees, and can eliminate the hassle that comes with flying.
Types of Staycations
Overnight Stays– a vacation spent near an individual’s local home rather than abroad. That lasts overnight or a few days.
Day Trips – involves time being spent in one’s hometown or a few miles away. (The next city or an hour or two away) The day is filled with local attractions or activities that only require a few hours of travel to experience a day elsewhere and a fast return home.
What are the benefits of a Staycation?
· Contactless travel options to increase safety. For example, using your own car can help reduce exposure of COVID – 19
· Local travel means you reduce expenses and save more
· May decrease travel time to destinations by attending local attraction
· Ease of travel increases because you avoid airports, baggage claims etc.
· Ability to help support local and community businesses
· Explore new things that are relatively close to your neighborhood
What will you find in your local staycation pursuit?
Happy Staycation!!!
