Posts Tagged ‘self-compassion’
The Gift of Authenticity – Destiny
Many people have heard, ” Stay true to yourself ” or ” Just be yourself “. Both are meaningful statements, truly. However, these simple sayings are not easy to act upon. Inherently, we know we can only be ourselves, right, but the world we live in, the media we listen and watch, and even people we know ask us to shape shift and morph into whatever is the most convenient and easier for them to tolerate. Fitting in can be seen as more appealing, like a good choice, or the more acceptable choice especially when you are made to feel less than. These conflicting dichotomies have had all of us at one time or another second guessing our place in the world resulting in feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth. However, what if the statement of staying true to yourself could be realized, not to block out the messages that other people spew but for us to connect with ourselves, find peace, and the gift that authenticity can bring.
Authenticity is a gift for us all, if we can find a way to know ourselves, we can unlock higher self-esteem and fulfilment. To be fully seen to ourselves can be an amazing adventure and can reduce the pressure of thinking about what our life is supposed to look like and free all of us from the pressure of striving. Being authentic is sitting with yourself long enough to drown out the noise of compromise, self-doubt, and comparisons. To embrace self-love, self-compassion, discovery of self, and accepting your individuality.
– Try self-love by prioritizing your needs. Discover your needs by taking out a piece of paper and clear your mind from others’ expectations and allow yourself to think deeply only about your needs. What are your non-negotiables? Think about the ways you shrink and instead honor your strengths and skills.
– Try self-compassion, by forgiving yourself of past wrongs or mistakes. Embrace and accept your development and journey toward growth not perfection. Let go of the critical thoughts or negative speech you have learned. Instead, value your difference and speak positive affirmations. For example, I am valuable, I forgive myself therefore it is easier to forgive others, Negative thoughts do not have power over me anymore, I let them go easily. I have everything I need to live a beautiful life.
– Try looking within to discover who you are. Ways to explore is by learning your interest, personality, values, and skills. These will teach you about what you like and do not like, what you prefer or not, what’s important to you and what you’re good at. You can answer questions like what is an activity that you lose track of time doing because it’s so enjoyable? Or are you a person that loves being around others or alone reading books? Once you write these down, honor your skills and the things that make you unique and vibrant.
– Try accepting your individuality, instead of comparing yourself to others and pleasing others. Take a second to focus on your one-of-a-kind attributes. Become comfortable with seeing all of you and loving each part.
The gift of authenticity is vulnerability, the power of knowing yourself, and standing in your truth. I invite you to embrace who you are and work daily to be authentic to that without apology.
By Alex Mirsakova , AMFT
We live in a fast-paced, high- stress society, one that highlights constant productivity and achievement. The concept of slowing down and taking a break seems out of the question for many of us. Yet, the importance of taking care of our own mental well-being, and the importance of slowing down when it feels as though we must go faster – cannot be ignored. It seems counterproductive to be told to “slow down” when we feel as though we must constantly rush. But perhaps the next time we feel that familiar overwhelming sense of urgency, we can accept it as an opportunity to pause.
Developed by Kristin Neff and Chris Germer, the practice of the self-compassion break is designed for you to directly experience the three elements of self-compassion:
1) Mindfulness
2) Common Humanity
3) Kindness.
It can be used as often as you need, through a moment of pain, difficulty, frustration, or intense pressure.
I invite you to take the self-compassion break:
Take a few deep breaths and settle into your body. Take four seconds to breathe in. Take four seconds to breathe out. Focus on your breath. Focus on the sensations in your body.
Now, bring to mind a situation in your life that is creating stress or paining you. When first learning this practice, choose a problem that’s in the mild to moderate range so that you may gradually develop this quality of self-compassion.
What changes are you observing in your body? What discomforts are you noticing? What sensations are coming up for you?
When challenges are present, it is important to take time to stay calm and mindful. Speak to yourself gently and acknowledge that you are experiencing discomfort in this moment.
Mindfulness Statements:
I am not okay
I am under a lot of stress
This is frustrating
Common Humanity
As you embrace the challenges in your life, you can begin reflecting on the challenging experiences in life that all humans live through. Inviting yourself to connect with humanity and accepting that pain is a part of life will help you understand that you are not alone in your time of despair.
“I feel, through my struggle, what others feel. In this way, I am sensing this feeling as not just my own, but as a deep connection to many other people.”
Experiment with offering yourself a simple gesture of soothing touch. One option is placing your hand over your heart. Experiment with finding what feels soothing and right for you. Feel the warmth and gentle touch of your hands. You may tap lightly on your body as you ground yourself.
Words of Affirmation and Positive Statements of Kindness
Perhaps there are particular words of kindness and support that you need to hear in this difficult situation. What simple message might be a caring response? If you are having difficulty summoning the words, consider what you would offer a dear friend or a loved one who is experiencing a painful moment. What would you say to this loved one? Now, see if you can offer the same message to yourself.
I can be kind to myself
I accept where I am in my life
I forgive myself for past mistakes
I am growing to trust myself more everyday
Alex is a pre-licensed clinician who works with couples, individuals, and children/ teens ( ages 10 and up). She is bilingual and speaks Russian and English. She works via telehealth as well as in person at our Glendale, Pasadena , and Sherman Oaks offices with flexible evenings and weekends scheduling. Book with her today .
